disorganized as ever

I am sloppy. You should see my work desk. Papers and files are all out of place. I keep promising myself, "Today I will arrange all the papers neatly in their respective files." The day will never come.... So sad.

Neat lah.. on the outside. But if you dig deeply, oh my! So I want to make impressions, heee...

So, I bought a new almari. So, I can be more organize. Kononnya! But I think, it's functioning as a new place to dump more things.

If you appoint me as a secretary, then be very very sorry. You've got yourself a very very sloppy one.

It's not only my work desk. Browse through my notebook. It's the same shitty condition.

I need professional help. PA post is now open.

Help!

The Female Rules

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.

2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.

3. No Male can possibly know all THE RULES.

4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES.

5. The Female is never wrong.

6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.

7. If Rule #6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.

8. The Female can change her mind at any time.

9. The Male must never change his mind without the express written consent of The Female.

10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.

11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.

12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.

13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.

14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.

15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.

16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.

17. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.

...when you wish a upon a star...

Of Liars and Hypocrites (I)

Years of lies and hypocrisy. Oh what a show! What a show they set up! Wonderfully staged. Lines so perfectly rehearsed. Memorized by heart. When they act, they make you want to believe. They'll fool you into reality. So, I say, "Bravo!" Give a round of applause. A standing ovation at that.

And the actors... What natural talent they have! You could say they were born with it. A God-given talent. And, it runs in the family too. The modern day Von Trapp family. Though singing is not really their forte.

Yet, I turned a blind eye. Ashamed to admit and face the strings of lies created. Tangled. Knotted in the most impossible ways you could ever imagine. Still, they seem to weave out of it with ease. Ah! Actors!

And when the curtains fall, I am left... a prop. A prop is a prop. A puppet in their puppet shows. An idiot. Mocked and humiliated.

Will the dumb Dumbo finally spread her wings and rise above the lair of the liars?

(Dumbo will steal the spot light.)

This is Beautiful

Counting My Days Away From You (by Corina90)

[Day1]
I sang you a song today that evaporated along the heat
of my longing. I could practically feel you through the
bubble wrap of my memory, but when I closed my eyes
all I could smell was the bitter scent of distance and a
brittle knowledge that this story never really had a beginning
so how can I logically expect an ending? Sometimes,
I have learned to hate logic. Almost more than I hate you.

[Day5]
If I turned off my brain and turned on my hands, I could
mold your cheekbones out of wet sand and coral.
I once told you that you had the cheekbones of an angel
and a nose that was nothing short of a tragedy but you
laughed it off and swore you’d grow a beard. I told you
that you’d never be able to hide that beauty, but I guess
I forgot how well two thousand five hundred and twenty two
miles can bury the perfection of angles and shadows.

[Day11]
I slept all night in the wake of your last smile, trying to
remember just how your crooked teeth flashed and how
your breath still smelled of bad choices and chlorine. I
woke up and thought I’d go buy myself a bag of feathers,
glue them to my arms and fly myself to you. But my car
was out of gas and I never really did like heights much anyways.

[Day27]
You had once told me that you liked odd numbers and
asymmetrical faces. So, I drew a beauty mark on this morning
and laughed as it bled down my chin in the shower. I was too tired
to pretend to be beautiful for the rest of the afternoon so I just laid
in bed and counted the days that you had promised would
have gone and left by now. I lost track before I fell asleep.

[Day35]
I popped the bubble wrap today. One by one by six
by how many times I imagined I was bringing out the worst
in you when I was just killing the best in me. When I was
done, I stared at the deflated plastic sheet and thought I saw
a lopsided smile in the way it crumpled at my feet. I hate to
confess, but I’m a coward and I threw it away before I
could convince myself that you were actually there.

[Day59]
I sobbed when I realized I was born on the sixth day of the
tenth month and if you counted, I am sure I would have
one more than the right amount of hairs for you to love.

[DayIlostcount]
I kicked a star out of my way this morning and swallowed my
poison like the good girl that I am. I’m done writing you letters
on the bottom of sparrow wings and drawing your smile on the
necks of sleeping bus passengers. You said that you’d come home to me
but I guess you only made it two thousand five hundred and twenty
one miles because I’m still alone and I can’t feel you anymore.

Mistaken Identity

I feel like a complete idiot.

Today, proves that I suck at being an undercover agent. I'm blacklisted from the post for certain. Guess I'm sentenced to be a teacher for life!

To cut the crap short, I went flaunting a false identity the whole day to people I've just met. *Went for a PMR Paper 2 marking scheme course* Darn what good impression I made to the senior teachers.

*flashback 1*

Cikgu Saniah (former English teacher in primary school/ Joan's Aunt): Still remember me? Ko sapa tu?

Me (suffering from memory degradation): I don't quite remember.. I'm Dazeree. (So true to myself kan?)

*conversation fading slowly...overlapping with flashback 2*

Emcee: Presenting the certificate to Ms Dazeree Joannes....

Me (I am Dazeree, right?) - stood up to get the certificate

*back to the ugly truth of the moment*

Oh shit. The whole day I was wearing my sister's name tag:

IRVY ELEANOR

Ok. Bye. I'm going to hang myself now.

I am a Nymph

Dear Erlinda, please don't hate me. I promise that we'll really do one together this December. Maok sik?

I finally.. partially fulfilled one of my dreams to do a photoshoot. Only partially, cause a part of the dream was to do it with dear (green-eyed monster) Erlinda.

A photoshoot done with Roy Ajin ~ who's a really nice person. Well, not because he blanja makan KFC. hehe ... with the theme Nymph. Visit his blog for more details.